It’s a lazy weekend morning. You awaken to the sound of deafening silence throughout the house. All the children are still fast asleep. Your partner has obviously discovered this too, and takes advantage of the moment, moving closer to you. You respond and…”Mummy, I’m awake. Can I have breakfast NOW?!”
Moment over. All thoughts of intimacy are lost as you switch seamlessly into parenting mode. You may then send the child back to bed or to play at the other end of the house and return to the previous activity, or maybe your day has now started and you will have to wait until next time. But the worst possible way that this scenario could end is with one partner turning to the other, and verbally or otherwise, intimating “I told you so!”
Why? Because this will surely mean that the next time such an opportunity presents itself, it will be avoided by either one or both of you. This is a sure-fire recipe for totally losing any semblance of spontaneity in your relationship.
While spontaneity is something that may be hidden under five piles of washing, electricity bills and last night’s left over pasta, it is something that is essential if a marriage is to see it through the childrearing years and into the future. If spontaneity is lost now, by the time little Mr ‘I want breakfast’ is married and having kids of his own, you may just have forgotten where you hid it!
Spontaneity is important no matter how long you have been married or how well you get along. In any relationship, spontaneity shows the other person that you are thinking about them. When someone does something for another person because they want to show them they care at that particular moment, it is a lot more meaningful than doing something out of necessity, routine or feelings of guilt or responsibility.
Of course, being spontaneous in your marriage is a lot harder once you have children. Couples need to find new ways to be spontaneous, especially physically, when it isn’t just the two of you at home. Sometimes, if children are demanding or one or both of you are stressed or exhausted, physical spontaneity may not happen for a while, and other ways of showing spontaneous affection, like buying flowers or sending an SMS to your partner telling them you love them may suffice.
Ultimately though, couples need to realize that physicality is an essential component of marriage, and that no matter how each attempt at being physically spontaneous pans out, accepting and appreciating the moment is what will cause there to be more moments. So then, one day when the kids are older, spontaneity will be a habit, and your love for each other will continue to grow.